Star Trek TOS – Episode 8 – Miri


I think watching this episode more than once would turn me into one of those, “Get off my lawn!” crotchety old people. Seriously. I feel the need to play roller derby with some twelve-year-olds and get this aggression out.

Watch this episode at CBS.com.

SUMMARY

Kirk and Co. arrive on a planet inhabited by annoying little brats and a fatal disease… really, that’s about it.

Click the picture for a full summary from the startrek.com database.

REVIEW

The Enterprise receives an SOS. They follow it to a planet that is a duplicate Earth. Hey look, it’s North America. Hey, it’s Florida! I can see my house from here!

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Rand, and two Red Shirts beam down to the surface to a 1960s ghost town. Is that what 1960 looked like? I see no hippies…

Kirk pulls a damaged Kwanzaa tricycle out of a pile of rubble and hands it to Spock. Spock looks less than pleased. He hands it to McCoy, who holds it like a guitar. McCoy… you’re doing it wrong.

Some crazy dude comes running out of the building and attacks McCoy for touching his tricycle. Kirk gives him the beat-down. The poor dude’s face is really, really messed up. The guy dies while rambling like a lunatic.

No, I will NOT make out with you.

They hear footsteps running away and chase after whoever it is. Because it’s always wise to go running towards trouble. They find a girl hiding in a closet. She’s hysterical, afraid that they’re going to hurt her. She explains to them that all of the adults got sick and died, and only children are left.

KIRK: What’s your name?
MIRI: Miri.
KIRK: Miri. A pretty name for a pretty young woman.
MIRI: Pretty?
KIRK: Very pretty.

I know that he’s just trying to put her at ease but, damn Kirk, she looks like she’s twelve. Ease up.

Spock and the Red Shirts are searching outside. They hear creepy kids chanting louder and louder. Holy hell, this is freaky.

Kirk realizes that he’s beginning to get blue splotches on his skin, as is everyone else in the landing party except Spock.

KIRK: Bones, why do you think the symptoms haven’t appeared in Mr. Spock?
MCCOY: I don’t know. Probably the little bugs or whatever they are have no appetite for green blood.
SPOCK: Being a red-blooded human obviously has its disadvantages.

Ha ha, Spock. You’re a jerk.

They find some papers on what might have caused the illness. They were trying to live longer, but ended up killing everyone who wasn’t a child. Even weirder, all of the adults died over 300 years before, so how come the children are still around. Even more disturbing:

RAND: One thing, Captain. If she were a wild animal ever since she’s been a little girl, how do you explain that she wants to stay with us?
KIRK: Loneliness? I don’t know, curiosity? I think children have an instinctive need for adults. They want to be told right and wrong.
SPOCK: There may be other emotions at work in this case, Captain.
MCCOY: She likes you, Jim.
SPOCK: She’s becoming a woman.

SOMEBODY HAS A CRUSH ON THE CAPTAIN! OOOOHHH!

They come to realize that the children age only one month for every century that passes, meaning that Miri is over 300 years old. Kirk takes Miri with him to find the other children. As they leave, Rand is horrified:

RAND: That little girl…
SPOCK: Is at least three hundred years older than you are, Yeoman. Think about it.

Rand has a look on her face somewhere between jealousy and disgust. I hear ya, sister. Technically, it isn’t wrong, but it’s goddamn skeevy.

The kids are having a meeting when they see Kirk and Miri outside. They hide, and a girl who has the disease jumps on Kirk. He stuns her, but she dies. Miri is terrified, knowing that the girl was just a little bit older than she was. Spock calculates that, while Miri has five or six weeks left to live, the landing party only has a week.

As they’re trying to figure out a cure, they hear the creepy kids outside. As they run out of the building, one of the kids sneaks in and steals all of their communicators. They start to get angrier and angrier at each other. Rand gets upset. Kirk runs after her. Miri runs after him. She sees Kirk comforting Rand, and you can see her little tween heart break.

Miri goes to the other children and they plan to kidnap Rand to slow them down on their research. Not only that, but Miri is obviously jealous, and wants to get rid of her.

JAHN: But Grups, they know things and all that. You know, I bet they’ll be able to do it with one person less.
MIRI: Not one, two. Because he’ll try to find her.
RED HEAD BOY: Who? Who will, Miri?
MIRI: The Captain. He’ll try to find her, but he won’t. Mister Lovey-dovey.
RED HEAD BOY: Lovey-dovey. Bonk bonk on the head. Bonk bonk! bonk bonk!
CHILDREN: Bonk bonk! Bonk bonk!

Ho-ly shit. That is some scary stuff right there. Little dude with a hammer yelling “bonk bonk on the head”? That is so messed up.

Back from the commercial break, everybody is going crazy, Rand is gone, they might have the cure but they can’t test it without the communicators, and Miri is being a stubborn little bitch. Kirk reasons with her, and shows her that she’s getting the disease. She freaks out.

The kids have Rand hostage. Creepy little bastards. Miri shows up, and she brings Kirk with her to talk to them. They are being horrible little assholes. “Bonk bonk” kid is driving me insane. The next time someone’s kid is screaming in a movie theater, I’ll just remember “bonk bonk” kid. Maybe I’ll want to strangle them a bit less. And why does the leader, the kid named Jahn, sound really drunk all of the time? Plus, he looks like he’s 18. This episode is so frustrating.

A kid comes up behind Kirk with a a club. They begin chanting “nyah, nyah, nyah”. Soooo creepy. “Bonk bonk” boy begins beating Kirk and the others join in. One little girl stands over the group of kids, smiling as they hit Kirk with clubs and hammers.

That’s it. I’m officially having nightmares tonight.

Kirk, bleeding, breaks away. He shows them what has happened to him. What will eventually happen to them. “Bonk bonk” kid starts up again. Kirk throws him off of the desk he’s standing on, and shows them how savage they’ve become. Finally, they listen.

"I'm becoming a Smurf!!!"

McCoy, not willing to wait any longer, injects himself with the potential cure without testing it. He collapses, unconscious, but the blue blotches start fading rapidly.

Back, on the Enterprise everybody has been treated and is back to work as usual. Now that the disease has been eradicated, “Space Central” (er, Starfleet?) is sending teachers and other adults to supervise and educate the children.

RAND: Miri. She really loved you, you know.
KIRK: Yes. I never get involved with older women, Yeoman.

*rimshot*

The End.

MORAL OF THE STORY

If your kids act like that, you’ve obviously messed up along the way. If not, congrats! You’re a kickass parent. 😉

RATING

I’m between loving it and hating it. In fact, I hate it so much that I love it. I’ll give it the rating of Lieutenant Commander.  2.5 out of 4 pips.

TOMORROW ON THE STAR TREK CHALLENGE: Dagger of the Mind.

Tuck your kids in tonight and tell them that you love them,

Captain Painway

The <i>Enterprise</i> receives an SOS. They follow it to a planet that is a duplicate Earth. Hey look, it’s North America. Hey, it’s Florida! I can see my house from here!

Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Rand, and two Red Shirts beam down to the surface to a 1960s ghost town. Is that what 1960 looked like? I see no hippies…

Kirk pulls a damaged <a href=”http://panelsonpages.com/?p=31522&#8243; target=”_blank”>Kwanzaa tricycle</a> out of a pile of rubble and hands it to Spock. Spock looks less than pleased. He hands it to McCoy, who holds it like a guitar. McCoy… you’re doing it wrong.

Some crazy dude comes running out of the building and attacks McCoy for touching his tricycle. Kirk gives him the beat-down. The poor dude’s face is really, really messed up. The guy dies while rambling like a lunatic.

They hear footsteps running away and chase after whoever it is. Because it’s always wise to go running <i>towards</i> trouble. They find a girl hiding in a closet. She’s hysterical, afraid that they’re going to hurt her. She explains to them that all of the adults got sick and died, and only children are left.

<blockquote>KIRK: What’s your name?
MIRI: Miri.
KIRK: Miri. A pretty name for a pretty young woman.
MIRI: Pretty?
KIRK: Very pretty. </blockquote>

I know that he’s just trying to put her at ease but, damn Kirk, she looks like she’s twelve. Ease up.

[PEDOBEAR PIC]

Spock and the Red Shirts are searching outside. They hear creepy kids chanting louder and louder. Holy hell, this is freaky.

Kirk realizes that he’s beginning to get blue splotches on his skin, as is everyone else in the landing party except Spock.

<blockquote>KIRK: Bones, why do you think the symptoms haven’t appeared in Mr. Spock?
MCCOY: I don’t know. Probably the little bugs or whatever they are have no appetite for green blood.
SPOCK: Being a red-blooded human obviously has its disadvantages.</blockquote>

They find some papers on what might have caused the illness. They were trying to live longer, but ended up killing everyone who wasn’t a child. Even weirder, all of the adults died over 300 years before, so how come the children are still around. Even more disturbing:

<blockquote>RAND: One thing, Captain. If she were a wild animal ever since she’s been a little girl, how do you explain that she wants to stay with us?
KIRK: Loneliness? I don’t know, curiosity? I think children have an instinctive need for adults. They want to be told right and wrong.
SPOCK: There may be other emotions at work in this case, Captain.
MCCOY: She likes you, Jim.
SPOCK: She’s becoming a woman.</blockquote>

SOMEBODY HAS A CRUSH ON THE CAPTAIN! OOOOHHH!

[OH MY PIC]

They come to realize that the children age only one month for every century that passes, meaning that Miri is over 300 years old. Kirk takes Miri with him to find the other children. As they leave, Rand is horrified:

<blockquote>RAND: That little girl…
SPOCK: Is at least three hundred years older than you are, Yeoman. Think about it. </blockquote>

Rand has a look on her face somewhere between jealousy and disgust. I hear ya, sister. Technically, it isn’t wrong, but it’s goddamn skeevy.

The kids are having a meeting when they see Kirk and Miri outside. They hide, and a girl who has the disease jumps on Kirk. He stuns her, but she dies. Miri is terrified, knowing that the girl was just a little bit older than she was. Spock calculates that, while Miri has five or six weeks left to live, the landing party only has a week.

As they’re trying to figure out a cure, they hear the creepy kids outside. As they run out of the building, one of the kids sneaks in and steals all of their communicators. They start to get angrier and angrier at each other. Rand gets upset. Kirk runs after her. Miri runs after him. She sees Kirk comforting Rand, and you can see her little tween heart break.

Miri goes to the other children and they plan to kidnap Rand to slow them down on their research. Not only that, but Miri is obviously jealous, and wants to get rid of her.

<blockquote>JAHN: But Grups, they know things and all that. You know, I bet they’ll be able to do it with one person less.
MIRI: Not one, two. Because he’ll try to find her.
RED HEAD BOY: Who? Who will, Miri?
MIRI: The Captain. He’ll try to find her, but he won’t. Mister Lovey-dovey.
RED HEAD BOY: Lovey-dovey. Bonk bonk on the head. Bonk bonk! bonk bonk!
CHILDREN: Bonk bonk! Bonk bonk! </blockquote>

Ho-ly shit. That is some scary stuff right there. Little dude with a hammer yelling “bonk bonk on the head”? That is so messed up.

Back from the commercial break, everybody is going crazy, Rand is gone, they might have the cure but they can’t test it without the communicators, and Miri is being a stubborn little bitch. Kirk reasons with her, and shows her that she’s getting the disease. She freaks out.

The kids have Rand hostage. Creepy little bastards. Miri shows up, and she brings Kirk with her to talk to them. They are being horrible little assholes. “Bonk bonk” kid is driving me insane. The next time someone’s kid is screaming in a movie theater, I’ll just remember “bonk bonk” kid. Maybe I’ll want to strangle them a bit less. And why does the leader, the kid named Jahn, sound really drunk all of the time? Plus, he looks like he’s 18. <i>This episode is so frustrating.</i>

A kid comes up behind Kirk with a a club. They begin chanting “nyah, nyah, nyah”. Soooo creepy. “Bonk bonk” boy begins beating Kirk and the others join in. One little girl stands over the group of kids, smiling as they hit Kirk with clubs and hammers.

That’s it. I’m officially having nightmares tonight.

Kirk, bleeding, breaks away. He shows them what has happened to him. What will eventually happen to them. “Bonk bonk” kid starts up again. Kirk throws him off of the desk he’s standing on, and shows them how savage they’ve become. Finally, they listen.

McCoy, not willing to wait any longer, injects himself with the potential cure without testing it. He collapses, unconscious, but the blue blotches start fading rapidly.

Back, on the <i>Enterprise</i> everybody has been treated and is back to work as usual. Now that the disease has been eradicated, “Space Central” (er, Starfleet?) is sending teachers and other adults to supervise and educate the children.

<blockquote>RAND: Miri. She really loved you, you know.
KIRK: Yes. I never get involved with older women, Yeoman.</blockquote>

*rimshot*

The End.

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6 Responses to Star Trek TOS – Episode 8 – Miri

  1. That’s it. I now understand why I’m one of those “Get off my lawn!” crotchety old people. It’s because I saw this episode as a kid. Yeah, this one always freaked me out when I was little and made me not want to play with other kids. I always wanted to beat the shit out of bonk bonk on the head kid. 🙂

  2. Denim says:

    I wanted ther kids to shout “OUTLANDERS!” to the crew, would of fit with the whole Children of the Corn vibe I was getting. Also, seeing a young Michael J. Pollard was awesome. He grows up to be Mr. Mxyzptlk in the Superboy series!

    • Holy crap… he was 27 when he was in this episode. No wonder that kid looked so old! Why would you cast someone older than me to play someone in Junior High??? I understand that he’s short, but he just looked so much older than everyone else. *grumble grumble* See, there’s that crotchety old person coming out again. 😛

  3. Steve says:

    I never enjoyed this episode… and the lack of explanation as to why there was a duplicate Earth has always been an annoyance for me.

  4. Pingback: Star Trek TOS – Episode 9 – Dagger of the Mind [Remastered] « The Star Trek Challenge

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