Star Trek TOS – Episode 7 – What Are Little Girls Made Of?


This episode wasn’t available on the CBS website in the remastered version, so I had to watch the original version. Let me tell you, all of those redone scenes of a shiny Enterprise have really spoiled me.

Watch this episode at CBS.com.

SUMMARY

Nurse Chapel’s long-lost fiance is found on a deserted planet, but he went a little bit crazy. He’s got a hot Stepford girlfriend, and a pet Lurch. Obviously, he was doing just fine before they found him.

Click the picture for a full summary from the startrek.com database.

REVIEW

Nurse Chapel and Captain Kirk are on the bridge, and she’s looking very sad. They’re in search of her long lost fiance, Roger Korby. Suddenly, they get a hail from him from the planet Exo III. After a tearful hello, Chapel and Kirk beam to the planet’s surface. They beam into an icy cave, and I feel sorry for Chapel in her minidress. She has to be freezing her buns off.

Korby is nowhere around, so Kirk has two security officers beam down. RED SHIRTS! The first Red Shirt is thrown down a bottomless pit by what looks like a bald Riff Raff. Without emotion, Korby’s assistant, Dr. Brown, says that he’s dead. The other Red Shirt is quickly suffocated by the weird Riff Raff guy.

Brown takes Kirk and Chapel to Korby’s home. Out of a door walks a scantily-clad young woman named Andrea. Chapel looks like she might strangle the woman. Seriously, Andrea, when you’re wearing overalls it’s customary to put a shirt on under them.

Korby becomes angry that Kirk wants to beam more security personnel down to the planet, and Brown pulls a phaser on him. Kirk uses Andrea as a shield and fires at Brown. He blows a hole in Brown’s stomach and, surprisingly, Brown’s tummy is full of wires and circuits. Hmmm…

Kirk hails the ship, or so we think. It turns out that Korby’s big Riff Raff bodyguard, Ruk, is mimicking Kirk. Ruk can imitate anybody’s voice. Turns out, Ruk is an android. And he’s a huge creeper, too. Kirk makes a run for it, so Ruk grabs him and throws him like a rag doll.

Andrea visits Chapel and asks her why she’s so unhappy. Andrea is the perfect Stepford wife. In fact, she was programmed that way:

ANDREA: I’m like Dr. Brown, an android. Didn’t you know?
KORBY: Remarkable, isn’t she? Notice the the lifelike pigmentation, the variation in skin tones. The flesh, the flesh has warmth. There’s even a pulse, physical sensation.
CHAPEL: How convenient.
KORBY: Christine, you must realise an android’s like a computer. It does only what I program. As a trained scientist yourself, you must realise that…
CHAPEL: Given a mechanical Dr. Brown, a mechanical geisha would be no more difficult.
KORBY: You think I could love a machine?
CHAPEL: Did you?
KORBY: Andrea’s incapable of that. She simply obeys orders. She has no meaning for me. There’s no emotional bond. Andrea, kiss Captain Kirk. Now strike him. You see? There’s no emotion in it, no emotional involvement. She simply responds to orders. She’s a totally logical computer. A thing is not a woman. Now do you understand?

I don’t think he gets Chapel’s meaning. She’s wondering if he’s programmed himself a Real Doll. Obviously, he has, considering the fact that he didn’t need to program her to kiss, but he did.

So lifelike...

Ruk puts a person shaped blob on a table. On the other side is naked Kirk, with all the interesting parts covered up. The table spins, and suddenly there are two Kirks on the table. As Kirk’s memories are taken, he starts yelling, “Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I’m sick of your half-breed interference, do you hear? Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I’m sick of your half-breed..”

Wow, Kirk. Tell us how you really feel.

Andrea serves dinner like a good Stepford wife. She’s “programmed to please [Chapel] also”.

Chapel confides in Kirk, but it turns out that it was android Kirk. Kirk grills his android counterpart on his past; the android knows everything about him.

KORBY: What you saw was only a machine, Only half of what I could’ve accomplished, Do you understand? By continuing the process I could’ve transferred you, your very consciousness into that android. Your soul, if you wish. All of you. In android form, a human being can have practical immortality. Can you understand what I’m offering mankind?
KIRK: Programming. Different word, but the same old promises made by Genghis Khan, Julius Caesar, Hitler, Ferris, Maltuvis.

Korby is crazy, looking to infiltrate the human race with his android clones. Kirk attacks him with a cord that he unwound from the chair he was sitting on. Korby commands Ruk to find Kirk. Chapel runs after him, yelling at Ruk to stop. Kirk grabs an unfortunately-shaped stalagtite to defend himself with:

Ruk calls out in Chapel’s voice, tricking Kirk into giving away his position. He dangles Kirk off the ledge and then, remembering that he has to obey Chapel’s orders, too, he pulls him up.

Android Kirk has beamed up to the ship. He’s a total asshole to Spock, telling him, “Mind your own business, Mr. Spock. I’m sick of your half-breed interference, do you hear?” Spock is obviously a little annoyed.

Kirk, back down on the planet, orders Andrea to kiss him. She does, passionately. Then, she resists.

ANDREA: No. Not programmed for you.

Kirk, for all of his seductive powers, can’t even crack a fembot. She leaves, Ruk enters.

RUK: Yes, the old ones. The ones who made us. They grew fearful of us. They began to turn us off.
KIRK: And isn’t it Korby who’s creating the same danger to you all over again? Unlike you, we humans are full of unpredictable emotions that logic cannot solve.
RUK: Yes. Yes, it had been so long ago, I had forgotten. The old ones here. The ones who made us, yes. Yes, it is still in my memory banks. It became necessary to destroy them. You are inconsistent. You cannot be programmed. You are inferior.

EXTERMINATE!

Ruk turns on Korby, who shoots him with a phaser and vaporizes him. Damn, dude. Kirk attacks Korby in a doorway, which shuts his arm in the door. The skin on his hand rips off, and we see that he is also an android. Chapel is horrified. Korby insists that he can be fixed, and that he is better than he ever was. Yeah, right.

An alarm goes off. Someone has beamed down. Korby tells Andrea to get a weapon and deal with it. She comes across android Kirk and, confused, wants to kiss him. Android Kirk refuses, and she vaporizes him. THAT CHICK IS FULL OF CRAZY!

She goes to tell Korby that she did a good job, but soon realizes that it wasn’t Kirk that she killed, it was android Kirk. Oops!

Korby pleads with Chapel, but she knows that he wasn’t the man she once loved. As Korby tries to show them that he’s still human, Andrea begins to ramble about how she loves him. She kisses him, and Korby reaches for the phaser she’s holding and disintegrates them both. I have to admit, I got a bit teary. Watching her learn to love was so sweet.

Chapel is shaken, despite it not really being Korby, but a replica. Although she had joined the Enterprise to find him, she decides to stay on the ship as McCoy’s assistant.

Finally, Spock, not knowing that he had been dealing with an android Captain Kirk, had this to say:

SPOCK: Frankly, I was rather dismayed by your use of the term half-breed, Captain. You must admit it is an unsophisticated expression.

Oh, Spock…

MORAL OF THE STORY

Frakkin’ skinjobs.

RATING

I have to give this one a rating of Commander.  3 out of 4 pips. It was a really great episode, and I really liked the characters of Andrea and Rak. I don’t know why, but I just really love stories about robots wanting to be more human. (Sneak preview: I love Data.)

TOMORROW ON THE STAR TREK CHALLENGE: Miri. It’s Lord of the Flies in space!

Until tomorrow,

Captain Painway

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5 Responses to Star Trek TOS – Episode 7 – What Are Little Girls Made Of?

  1. That’s not a stalactite. Kirk just finished up a visit with the Plaster Caster, and is showing off why he’s the biggest ladies man in the galaxy. Just sayin’. 😛

  2. Pingback: Star Trek TOS – Episode 9 – Dagger of the Mind [Remastered] « The Star Trek Challenge

  3. Steve says:

    Awesome episode…. may be in the running for most red shirts in one episode… although I think Obsession in season 2 may beat it.

    Androids, duplicates, obsessed robot scientists, Kirk teaching robot women to love, how to fool an android cloning/memory duplication machine… there was a lot for me to learn as a child in this episode, although none of it has proved to be useful up to this date, however I’m confident that it will come in the terrifying future to come!

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