Star Trek TOS – Episode 5 – The Enemy Within [Remastered]

Another good episode today. Me likey.

Watch this episode at


A transporter malfunction splits Captain Kirk into his good and evil selves. His good self acts like me trying to choose between Chinese food and Mexican food. His evil self is really sweaty.

Click the picture for a full summary from the database.


Kirk, Sulu, and some Red Shirts are on Tatooine scanning things. Sulu found a Unipuppycorn, and he’ll be damned if he can’t keep it.

KIRK: Now, you know that if I let you have a Unipuppycorn, you’ll take care of it for a few days, and then you’ll quit. And then I’ll get stuck taking care of it.

…OK, maybe that didn’t really happen.

loldogs, cute puppy pictures, star trek, shatner, sulu, enemy within, I Has a Hotdog

One of the Red Shirts cuts his hand, and beams back up to the ship. Scotty, who is working the transporter, is having problems getting the transporter to work right. It turns out that metallic dirt on Red Shirt’s uniform was mucking it up.

So, since the transporter is acting funny, why don’t we transport the Captain aboard? Kirk materializes, looks around dizzily, and stumbles down from the transporter platform. Scotty takes Kirk to Sickbay, leaving the transporter room empty. Just as they leave, another Captain Kirk materializes, and we can tell he’s evil thanks to the background music. DUN-DUN-DUNNNNN!

Captain’s Log, stardate 1672.1. Specimen-gathering mission on planet Alpha 177. Unknown to any of us during this time, a duplicate of me, some strange alter ego, had been created by the transporter malfunction.

Well, now. Spoiler much?

Good Kirk is resting in his quarters, and Yeoman Rand walks in with some paperwork. Meanwhile, Bad Kirk storms into Sickbay demanding Saurian brandy. What I want to know is, why does McCoy keep brandy sitting on a shelf in Sickbay? If I ever walked into my doctor’s office and saw booze in their office, I’d probably think twice about visiting that doctor.

Bad Kirk grabs the brandy and runs off.

Good Kirk, still in his quarters, gets a visit from Spock:

SPOCK: Well, Doctor McCoy seemed to think I should check on you.
GOOD KIRK: That’s nice. Come on, Spock, I know that look. What is it?
SPOCK: Well, our good doctor said that you were acting like a wild man, demanded brandy.
GOOD KIRK: Our good doctor’s been putting you on again.
SPOCK: Hmm. Well, in that case, if you’ll excuse the intrusion Captain, I’ll get back to my work.
GOOD KIRK: I’ll tell him you were properly annoyed.

Back in the transporter room, Scotty has beamed up the Unipuppycorn, and it split into two, one nice and gentle, and one mean and ferocious. You can almost hear Sulu from the planet’s surface, “NOW I’VE GOT TWO UNIPUPPYCORNS! YAY!”

Bad Kirk has made his way to Rand’s quarters. He walks in, forcefully grabs her and kisses her. She fights back. He wrestles her to the floor… You know, I think the only reason Janice Rand is in this show is so she can be assaulted over and over again. First, Charlie Evans stalked her, and now this. She scratches his face, Bad Kirk runs off, but as the door opens another crewmember sees them. He goes to call for help, and then Bad Kirk gives him the beat-down.

Back in Kirk’s quarters, Spock confronts him again, this time about assaulting Rand. Good Kirk has no idea what he’s talking about. As they leave, Evil Kirk runs into his quarters. Good Kirk, McCoy, and Spock go to question Rand:

RAND: Then he kissed me and he said that we… that he was the Captain and he could order me. I didn’t know what to do when you mentioned the feelings we’d been hiding, and you started talking about us.
RAND: Well, he is the captain. I couldn’t just… You started hurting me. I had to fight you, and scratch your face.
GOOD KIRK: Yeoman, look at me. Look at me, look at my face. Are there any scratches?
RAND: I was sure I scratched you. I was frightened. Maybe
GOOD KIRK: Yeoman. I was in my room. It wasn’t me.

Spock concludes that there must be an impostor aboard. Obviously, he didn’t listen to the Captain’s Log spoiler at the beginning of the episode.

Oh yeah, and Sulu and three other guys are stranded on the planet below. Good Kirk becomes concerned. The planet’s temperature will plummet, and the men will begin to freeze. And that means… Sulu will want to huddle together for warmth.

Mr.Sulu still less gay  than the Jonas Brothers

Good Kirk and Spock decide that Bad Kirk must be captured. Good Kirk makes an announcement that everyone should set phasers to stun and find his “imposter”. Bad Kirk gets pissed off, screaming, “I’M CAPTAIN KIRK!”

funny animated gif

Goddamn, that’s even more terrifying without sound…

Bad Kirk finds some concealer (why the hell does Captain Kirk have makeup just lying around his quarters???) and covers up the scratches on his face. At least he’s still wearing a different shirt than Good Kirk.

Good Kirk is losing his ability to make decisions. And it doesn’t help that Sulu keeps pestering him on the phone, asking him when they can meet up for lattes. Or get off that freezing planet. Good Kirk and Spock find Evil Kirk in Engineering. Spock gives him a good old-fashioned neck pinching. They have Evil Kirk sedated in Sickbay when they get a call from Scotty. Turns out, someone ripped a hole in the casing for the main circuits.

Bad Kirk.

Sulu and Friends are still freezing on the planet. Spock tells them to use their “survival skills”.

Bad Kirk is dying, and Good Kirk knows that somehow they have to be reintegrated, or they’ll both die. He gives his evil half a pep-talk, and it works to revive him. Really? Is that all it takes to bring someone back from the dead?

They take the two Unipuppycorns, and try to retinegrate them with the transporter. It works, but the poor Unipuppycorn dies in the process. They don’t even try to pep-talk it back to life. Shame.

Down on the planet, you hear Sulu, “NOOOO! MY UNIPUPPYCORN!”

Good Kirk can’t decide whether or not to go through with the procedure. He finally decides that he could survive it, even though the Unipuppycorn didn’t. He goes to get Bad Kirk from Sickbay. Bad Kirk tricks him into thinking that he’s too weak to stand, and then knocks Good Kirk out. Good Kirk is a pansy.

Bad Kirk goes to change his shirt so he’s exactly identical to Good Kirk. Along the way, he sees Rand, and pretends to be Good Kirk. He asks her if he can come over later and make things right…

…Janice Rand, you need a rape whistle.

Yes, this is really a Japanese pedobear rape whistle.

Bad Kirk goes to the bridge, and orders that the men on the planet be abandoned. No! You can’t abandon Sulu!!! Then, Good Kirk arrives, and nobody knows which one to shoot. Turns out, Bad Kirk does a really shitty job of imitating Good Kirk.

GOOD KIRK: Can half a man live?
BAD KIRK: (Aiming a phaser at Good Kirk) Take another step, you’ll die.
GOOD KIRK: Then we’ll both die.
BAD KIRK: Please, I don’t want to. Don’t make me. Don’t make me. (Kirk takes phaser off him) I don’t want to go back. Please! I want to live!
GOOD KIRK: You will. Both of us.
BAD KIRK: I want to live!

They take a sedated Bad Kirk to the transporter room and successfully retinegrate the two halves into one Captain Kirk. Feeling like his old self, he immediately orders that they beam Sulu and Friends aboard. They’re super frosty, but McCoy thinks they’ll make it.

Back on the bridge:

RAND: Captain? The impostor told me what happened, who he really was, and I’d just like to say that. Well, sir, what I’d like is…
KIRK: (Cutting her off) Thank you, Yeoman
SPOCK: The, er, impostor had some interesting qualities, wouldn’t you say, Yeoman?

Methinks that the Captain would have a chance with her, that is, if he wasn’t her boss. Of course, he can have any woman in the universe but THAT one.

The End.


Newton’s third law of asshole: For every asshole there is an equal and opposite non-asshole.


Another strong episode, I’m going to give this one a rating of Commander. 3 out of 4 pips. William Shatner’s acting was brilliant, and I never had to guess at which Kirk I was watching. It got a little slow by the end, but it’s still a great episode.

TOMORROW ON THE STAR TREK CHALLENGE: Mudd’s Women. I’ve been meaning to see this one for quite some time.

Until tomorrow,

Captain Painway


5 Responses to Star Trek TOS – Episode 5 – The Enemy Within [Remastered]

  1. Pingback: Tweets that mention Star Trek TOS – Episode 5 – The Enemy Within « The Star Trek Challenge --

  2. Denim says:

    Think Geek needs to make Unipuppycorn costume for dogs happen. I am really looking forward to tomorows episode. Mudd’s Women is another favorite of mine.

  3. Another excellent, entertaining review! Really look forward to these!

    And McCoy keeps brandy in sickbay because McCoy’s an old school badass. He also has one hell of a porn collection stashed away in there, too. 😛

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